I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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