Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
