don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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