JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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