Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
