...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
