I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
worst night to have a conscience
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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