I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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