Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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