dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
