So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
