this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
