We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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