You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
thus making me awesome and them whores
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
