Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
