some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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