Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
