I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize