I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have post one night stand depression
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