Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
