I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
