okay pat passed out under dana's car
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
