Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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