he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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