Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize