remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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