I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
