She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize