I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize