I bet he comes in French.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
