i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
