I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
