Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
