Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i have two assholes
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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