i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
