so explain again why im purple
no
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The air taste purple.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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