2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
