You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
