No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
