you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
