giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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