Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
