It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
