When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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