As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
