If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
did i just pee glitter
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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