Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
