uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just blew my weed a kiss
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
