He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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