So drunk its hurt
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
nutella sex= disaster
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
