i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
