Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
