Porn is love you can see.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
