I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
