I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
