I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
