Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just saw a hot homeless man
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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