Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
