We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
