In the future we'll all be gay
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
