I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
