Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
