: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
