the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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