my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
