dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
