Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
