you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
