do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
