You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
