my sisters under your porch take her home
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize