Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
