I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
