Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
