I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
