It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
