You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
